DA1 and DA2 plan

Once a Drug Addict (DA1) planned with another addict (DA2) to start working together and do something constructive so that people stop picking on them.

DA1: Asked other addict, do you have any plan in your mind?
DA2: I think, I need a dose before I can think?

DA1: But I want you to be serious!
DA2: No-No..I am serious but I am having a little withdrawal effects! So let me finish..Ok!

DA1: So, have you thought about it yet?
DA2: Yes I did!

DA1: What is it?
DA2: I think, because it was your plan to work, I think, you should tell me the plan!

DA1: This is your problem! You always waste time for nothing!
DA2: But at least you don't waste my time now, please!

DA1: I am thinking about farming some fruits and vegetables!
DA2: Oh! That is a good idea!

DA1: Since nobody in our village have fruits and vegetable farm, we would be very profitable!
DA2: Yeah! We will be rich! But our land is very close to the village!

DA1: So whats the matter?
DA2: You are so dumb! What if people steal from our farm! How can we stop them!

DA1: I never thought about it! Now what! I wish there was no village here!
DA2: I have an idea!

DA1: What?
DA2: Let's put the whole village on fire! Easy to get rid of thieves!

DA1: I think you have good idea! Lets be active before they steal our fruits and vegetables!
DA2: Aha! Look at all the thieves..how they are running away....I think this was best way to punish them!

Villager1: Oh You both DA1 and DA2, why are you standing here, run away from the fire or you could be hurt!
DA2: Don't worry about us..We can not leave because we have to guard our farm from thieves!

DA1: I feel sad for all this!
DA2: But it is their fault..They should not have stole our fruits and vegetables!

DA1: You dumb! You have put me in trouble as usual!
DA2: How?

DA1: Look at the police! They are coming toward us!
DA2: Oh No!

Policeman: Hey both of you, people are telling us you both put the whole village on fire! Why?
DA2: I don't know anything , It was my partners plan!

DA1: No.No.! It was his plan to put village on fire!
DA2: But it was your plan to grow fruits and vegetables! So why did they steal our fruits and vegetables?

Policeman: What fruits and vegetables? Where are they?
DA2: These villagers stole it! You ask them and not us!

Villager: We did not steal anything from them! How can they grow fruits and vegetable? Both of them don't have any land in the village! And both are good for nothing except taking drugs!

DA1: Well in that case! I forgive you villagers
DA2: Me too!

Policeman: But where did you grow your fruits and vegetables any way so that we can witness it!
DA2: Good thing we did not start planting otherwise it would have been waste of our time and efforts!
DA1: Why so?

DA2: You did not tell me it was not your land! I should have asked the villagers in stead!
Policeman: You mean! You never grow anything and yet complaining these people steal from you!

DA1-DA2; We were going to start growing it but then we realized villagers would steal from us, so we wanted to be proactive so we set the village on fire to get rid off the thieves!

Policeman: Oh You idiots! Are you the one who set  police station on fire to get rid off the criminals in our custody!
DA2: It was not my plan! It was his!

Policeman: You both are under arrest! You can call your attorney!
DA1 to DA2: We made one mistake last weak!
DA2: I know we should have set the police station on fire when everyone were inside! And today we would have been enjoying our farming!
DA1: No idiot! We have to sleep in police station full of our fire shit!
DA2: But at least we would be looked after by police better than our villagers!

Bride and Broom

Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk."

The groom broom says, "How can that be possible? We haven't even swept together!"

Double Hit

A woman and man get into a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither one of them is hurt.

After they crawl out of the wreckage, the woman says, "Wow, look at our cars -- there's nothing left! This must be a sign from Him that we should be friends and not try to pin the blame on each other."

The man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely."

The woman points to a bottle on the ground and says, "Somehow this bottle of Scotch from my back seat didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this Scotch and celebrate our good fortune."

She hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, and chugs about a third of the bottle to calm his nerves. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police."

Army Hospital Joke

An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks:

"What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic syphilis, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major.

He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major.

He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir"